do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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