it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
