Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
