Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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