I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
