Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
