This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
4 words: hood of his car
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
