I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
