you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There's always time for handjobs
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
