my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
