He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
