Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
