i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
