When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
