i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
