Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
