Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
