Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
