i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
