The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
