I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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