Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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