it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
