I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
you never un-have a 4some
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
