A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
