The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
