I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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