"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
