You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
