Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
