So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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