we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
