It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
