Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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