I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Randomize
