hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Drunk is not a location!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
