She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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