I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
