Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
