I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
