it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I miss vodka workout Fridays
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
