is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
