Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Sorry about my life...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
