you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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