i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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