you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
