And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
