i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My bed smells like the plague
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