eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
