What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
