i don't like sucking hair
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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