dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
