Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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